A Reader Asks: How do I make journaling a valuable part of my life? (Part I)

Recently I received a question, a couple actually, from my friend Marty about journaling. I admit I was honored that he would reach out to me for advice. I thought his question would make for an excellent blog post so I am reprinting what he wrote, with his permission. His questions, a follow-up email message, and my responses will comprise a two-part post.

Marty's questions: Every now and then I get the urge to journal. I may keep it up for a few days, but I always fall out of the habit. Most of the time my journal ends up being very humdrum "here's what I did today" with occasional bouts of philosophizing, but not much of that. My question is, do you go back and read through your old entries? Obviously you must because you wrote a book based on that concept. My trouble is that when I go back and read what I wrote years earlier, I can't stand the sound of my own "voice." More depressingly, I don't feel like I've changed at all. I know I have, but it's sad because I want to think I more mature, more enlightened. All of that is probably a subconscious reason I don't journal with any consistency. I think I journaled the entire first year of Ryan's [his son] life though. That might be a good one to go back and read. I'm not sure what I am asking you, but I guess it's this: How do I make journaling a valuable part of my life?

Response:  I understand your feelings, Marty. Similar questions came up frequently in the journaling workshops I conducted a few years ago.  

First, I reread journal entries all the time, many of which are cringe-worthy. However, by reading them I realize how much I've grown. Yes, there are persistent issues and patterns that seem to be stuck on repeat and those are the ones I resolve to keep working on, or eventually, end up accepting that it is just part of who I am and live with it. I believe acceptance is growth too, right, being aware there are parts of your personality that aren't going to change? 

Second, people assume keeping a journal requires they write every day and that the content must be important and literary. That is false. I go months sometimes without writing in my journal. In fact, I have barely written in my diary since returning from Europe on May 10, and most of what has been written is quite mundane. It is important to eliminate any judgment about the quality or quantity of your writing. 

Sometimes one doesn't feel like putting pen to paper or typing on a keyboard. Still, at these times I try to make myself write for at least three to five minutes. Often I end up writing for much longer periods and filling ten to twenty pages. At other times, there is nothing worthy to jot down, so I put the journal away. That's okay too.  

These journals are just for you, right? Of course, you would probably choose to do some editing should you decide to publish them. I did for Rebirth. There are many ways to journal aside from writing in a notebook. For instance, you have a social media presence. Reviewing past posts on Facebook is a great way to reflect on what is important in your life. Your posts are often funny and clever, which reveals that you have a wonderful sense of humor and that you use humor to make sense of this crazy world. That's valuable self-information and a terrific character trait and point of view to pass on to Ryan.

Furthermore, there is no one correct way to journal. It can be done on paper, the computer, a blog, via audio or video. I have been using my blogging lately in lieu of writing in a book because it is a form of journaling. I write about what is important to me, what is affecting the quality of my personal or professional life or my reaction to current events or politics.

I hope some of this is helpful. Find what works for you: frequency of writing, the form, and the content. I like to think I am decent writer, but when I reread my journals, often times they are not up to my standards either. That is because I am not writing for an audience. I am writing for me and so grammar, sentence structure, all of that goes out the window. Don't worry about that and more importantly, don't censor yourself. Write whatever comes to mind, even the ugly stuff. There are no set rules, except one (at least for me) and it bears repeating: don't censor yourself. 

I'll address writing for an audience in Part II, since my exchange with Marty touched on that as well. 

Related post:

The Value of Rereading Your Journals: Remembering Treasured Moments

Journal Writing Round-up: Three Articles

I am always searching for articles that outline the benefits of journal writing or ways to use journaling to improve one's life, career, or relationships. Recently, I came upon these three and provide a brief excerpt below the title. Click on the title to read the entire article. Enjoy.

4 Tips to Keep a Personal Journal That Can Help You Disconnect and Focus

Ditch perfection: "Your notebook is not meant to be a manuscript or memoir, but rather a place where you can "brain dump" ideas, organize your day and spark your creativity. It is not going to be a work of art archived in the Smithsonian, so don’t treat it as such."

5 Things to Do Before Bed That Will Jump Start Tomorrow

Write in your journal. "No, not the “dear diary” kind of entries. Keeping a journal is a practice that can help you process the day and make sense of your thoughts. Keep your journal in the nightstand and every night take a few minutes to review the day’s triumphs and write down what you’re grateful for that day.

Don’t make this a boring, unthoughtful experience. Think of it as a nightly meditation -- just two minutes of reflection thinking about the day’s highlights and writing them down will transform your waking and sleeping thought. It’s part of a wealthy lifestyle to appreciate all the great things of the day: doors held open, great conversations had." 

The Writing Assignment That Changes Lives

""The act of writing is more powerful than people think," Peterson says.

Most people grapple at some time or another with free-floating anxiety that saps energy and increases stress. Through written reflection, you may realize that a certain unpleasant feeling ties back to, say, a difficult interaction with your mother. That type of insight, research has shown, can help locate, ground and ultimately resolve the emotion and the associated stress.

At the same time, "goal-setting theory" holds that writing down concrete, specific goals and strategies can help people overcome obstacles and achieve."

Why Journal? (Tip/Reason #6)

Tip #6 - Research shows that expressive writing has health benefits.

Numerous studies have confirmed that expressive writing produces health benefits, such as a strengthened immune system, increased lung and liver function, increased cognitive function, reduced stress and blood pressure, improved mood, decreased symptoms of arthritis and asthma, and increased well-being in cancer survivors. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter if the writing topic is positive or negative. Healing benefits are derived as long as you involve the emotions. Therefore, journaling is a wonderful self-therapy tool, though not a substitute for professional help, if necessary.

You can read more about this in my Journaling through Cancer article in the March/April 2011 issue of Coping® with Cancer magazine.

If you are interested in exploring this topic further, I recommend Expressive Writing: Words that Heal by James W. Pennebaker, PhD and John F. Evans, Ed.D.

5 reasons to journal (a recap)

I’m heading out on vacation this week and have little time to write so though I’d do a quick recap of the first 4 reasons to keep a journal and 1 tip. Click on the reason or tip to read more about each. Never fear, there will be more reasons to journal and many tips for doing so posted in the coming weeks.

1. It's an easy way to record your life.
2. It's a tool for working through life's challenges.
3. Here's one strategy for tackling a problem.
4. Use your journal to set and define goals.
5. It's a safe place to express frustration and anger. 

Until next week, keep on writing, or start.

.

Write it Down, Make it Happen (Part II)

Read Part I

Ovation Theatre Company staged its first production on August 21, 1998. I and my fellow co-founders reveled in our accomplishment.

Opening night celebration at Arnolds

Fast forward to early 2000: I was managing director of Ovation and vice president of the newly-formed League of Cincinnati Theatres (LCT). LCT was formed in 1999 in large part due to the proliferation of small professional theatre companies like Ovation. The organization's mission: "to strengthen, nurture and promote Cincinnati's theatre community."

I was in an executive LCT meeting one day when the conversation turned to Cincinnati Playhouse in Park's upcoming season. They had slotted Talley's Folly in the spring of 2001. At that time, D. Lynn Meyers was the President of LCT and the producing artistic director (still is) of Ensemble Theatre of Cincinnati. She informed us that ETC was planning to jump on Playhouse's bandwagon and stage Wilson's Sense of Place during the same time period.

An idea ignited in my brain. I could hardly contain myself. Ovation needed to jump on that bandwagon too. This was my opportunity to perform a dream role I'd been writing about for years, but how could I persuade Ovation to stage Wilson's one-woman, one-act, The Moonshot Tape?

I brought this up at Ovation's next board meeting. We were in the process of planning the next season, so it was the perfect time to have this conversation. Joe, our artistic director, suggested we do a night of Lanford Wilson one-act plays. Unbeknownst to me—and seriously, how did I not know this?—Wilson had written dozens of one-acts.

We read through many and selected four, one of which was The Moonshot Tape. I immediately asked my Talley's Folly director, Mike, to work with me, as I'd told him I would in 1997. I was going to be onstage alone for fifty-five minutes. It was thrilling but I had no idea it would get even more exciting.

Two other small theatre companies decided they would also stage Lanford Wilson shows that May. There were now five companies producing Wilson's work, so it was decided to create a Lanford Wilson Theatre Festival, which generated a good deal of publicity for the smaller companies. To kick off the festival there was a reception at Cincinnati Playhouse. The guests of honor were Marshall Mason, a long-time collaborator of Mr. Wilson's, and Lanford Wilson. I met my favorite playwright. 'Pinch me,' I thought.

With Director, Michael Morehead and Landford Wilson

While talking to Marshall Mason, he asked what play Ovation was producing. I told him about the one-acts and that I was performing The Moonshot Tape. He told me that was one of Lanford's most personal pieces. Knowing that Ovation's opening wasn't until the following week and Mr. Wilson would be gone by then and unable to attend one of our shows, Marshall suggested Ovation host a private performance at our rehearsal space for him.

Thankfully, I was performance ready. I had worked on my character religiously over the past year, creating a biography for Diane, breaking the script down into beats, memorizing the end of the play and working back toward the beginning. I took copious notes and researched the time period and references in the play with which I was unfamiliar. I knew my character intimately and my lines were memorized by the time we began the eight-week rehearsal period, which is what my goal had been.

Mike picked up Mr. Wilson that Saturday morning and drove him to our rehearsal warehouse where I gave a private performance for a Pulitzer-Prize winner, my Ovation colleagues, and select friends. Lanford Wilson loved it. It was such an honor to perform for him and because he had praised my work so highly, it gave me the courage to finally commit, after ten years, to move to the New York City area to pursue a professional acting career.

I never imagined in my wildest dreams that performing Diane in The Moonshot Tape would lead to one of the most exciting, pivotal performance experiences of my life. Moreover, I was thirty-five when I played Diane, the same age as the character. I had also been thirty-one like Sally Talley in Talley's Folly. I felt like Lanford had written these women for me.

Receiving notes from Lanford Wilson post-performance

Can I say with 100% certainty that writing about these goals made them come true? No. However, without envisioning them, thinking about them, putting those wishes down on paper time after time and then taking action, they never would have happened. This is but one success story, composed of smaller ones, in my repertoire of how writing has shaped my life.

Think about any moments in your life that have manifest through your intentions. Did you spend time envisioning them? Did you write them down? If you cannot think of any examples or only a couple, I encourage you to test it for yourself, putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. It may take some time to see the results, so don't get frustrated. It took eight years to make performing The Moonshot Tape a reality. That only happened because of Ovation Theatre Company, meeting my Ovation co-founders through the Cincinnati community theatre scene, and being brave enough to go back to college to earn another degree in theatre and drama, all of which I wrote about extensively.

Write down your wishes and dreams, imagine what your life might look like, keep writing about it and be sure to inject your writing with passion—get your emotions involved. Be sure to follow this up with concrete actions. The outcome may be so much more incredible than you ever dreamed.

The examples I've provided in this two-part post demonstrate the power of imagination and writing, but action is also required. Work, even if only baby steps, is also necessary to propel you toward your goals and fulfill your potential. So, dear reader, what do you want to manifest?

Why Journal? (Tip/Reason #5)

Tip #5  - Take it out on your journal. It is the ideal place to vent your frustrations.

Sometimes one needs a place where they can safely express negative feelings. Rather than losing your cool at the office or with a loved one, which can easily escalate and lead to regret, retreat to your writing space at the first opportunity. There, lay it all out on the page or computer screen. I find venting is more effective when typing because I am better able to keep up with the thoughts racing through my head as opposed to handwriting them, which is considerably slower.

Allow all thoughts to appear on the page/screen. Do not censor them, just proceed with this task until you cannot, or do not, want to write any more. I guarantee you will feel a huge release from any pent-up negative energy. Do not read this entry immediately, if ever. Allow it to sit. Wait a few days if you do decide to review what you wrote. You can also choose to get rid of it. There are no rules.

If after a few days you are still stewing over whatever happened that incited your anger, take some time to read through the entry, if you still have it. Are there any solutions?  Do you feel the need for additional angry writing? If so, go at it. I repeat this exercise two more times if there is a situation over which I am obsessing.

However, if you fail to find peace or resolution, you may need to talk it out with the offending person. If you cannot directly speak with that person, perhaps a trusted friend or a professional can provide some guidance that will lead to relief.

Anger is stressful. I've found writing out my anger to be an effective way to not only alleviate it, but also to find solutions for dealing with whomever or whatever has upset me, or at least resolve to get over it. The next time you want to strike out at someone, take it out on your journal first.

Write it Down, Make it Happen (Part I)

I sat in the silent warehouse, breathing in and out, following the rise and fall of my breath and trying to ignore my racing heart. It was a Saturday morning. My shaking foot belied the serenity I hoped to convey to anyone watching, knowing that soon I'd be giving—what I imagined to be—the performance of my life. It was still unbelievable to me that an event at the beginning of the week presented this opportunity; that something wished for years earlier could manifest in such an extraordinary way. This outcome was so much more incredible than I ever could have imagined: I had thought about it, written about it, but had no idea how it would all unfold.

I can attest to the value and power of the written word as someone who has been journal writing for twenty-three years. Not only have I written for my life during times of crisis, but I have actually written my life, which is exciting and empowering—knowing that I am the creator of my life.There are numerous examples in my writings to support this assertion. The above experience contains several layers of manifestation that culminated in one extraordinary outcome.

I always wanted to be an actor. My best friend, Lynn, who is a bigger pack rat than I, sent to me when I was going through cancer treatment a list that our fifth-grade teacher had compiled. All her students' names were on it and next to each name was the occupation we wanted to be as adults. Next to my name was the word "actress." I hadn't done any acting in grade school or high school, but I mustered the courage and returned to college to study drama at the age of twenty-three.

During that time, I auditioned for all the theatre department's plays. One play (of many) in which I failed to get cast was Talley's Folly, a two-person show by the late Lanford Wilson. I fell in love with the character of Sally Talley and knew I had to portray that character someday. Exposure to this play turned me into an admirer of Lanford Wilson's work, reading nearly every play he wrote, or so I thought.

I began keeping a journal in 1992 and would write about roles I was exploring in class or in a play. Lists of shows and characters I longed to perform were recorded in my diaries too. One day, I came across a show by Lanford Wilson titled The Moonshot Tape that was in an anthology of one-act plays. This one-act was a solo project, and I was immediately drawn to Diane, a deeply flawed yet fascinating character. Diane is thirty-five years old, an accomplished short-story writer, and possesses a rather sordid, complicated past. Here was another role I committed to one day performing, not having a clue how, when, or where it would happen. I was twenty-seven at the time and had also been contemplating starting my own theatre company upon obtaining my drama degree. All of these goals were written about in my journals.

I ended up in Cincinnati, Ohio, after graduation, initially getting involved in that city's vibrant and massive community theatre scene as both an actor and director. While directing The Diary of Anne Frank, I met Lisa, a talented actress whom I'd cast as Mrs. Frank. We began discussing starting our own semi-professional company. I did research, constructed a business plan, and wrote about this endeavor constantly in my journal. In the end, it seemed like too monumental a task for two people; it started to overwhelm me. Plus I longed to focus solely on acting.

We put that venture aside and  both continued performing. Not long after, Lisa was cast in a community theatre production of The Secret Garden where she met Joe, Mark, and Scott who too had the desire to start a professional theatre company. They approached her to see if she might be interested in joining them. To which she responded: There is someone you need to meet. We did and soon Ovation Theatre Company was on its way to becoming a reality.

With Ed Cohen (Matt Friedman) in Talley's Folly

The next year was spent planning, budgeting, fundraising, and on July 4, 1997, we signed Ovation's incorporation papers, filing as a 501(c)(3) organization. During this preparatory period, I was cast in the role of—you guessed it, maybe—Sally Talley. Finally, here was the chance to perform one of my dream roles. Sally is thirty-one and I was thirty-one when I portrayed her. Mike, the director, was fantastic and because I enjoyed working with him so much, I gave him a copy of The Moonshot Tape and told him that if I ever performed this role, I wanted him to direct me.

In September 1998, Ovation staged its inaugural production, the two-woman comedy, Parallel Lives: The Kathy and Mo Show. Lisa and I starred in it. We directed it too, along with one of our co-founders Scott. It was thrilling. Another dream had come true. To reiterate, these were all goals and hopes I'd written about either in my journal or strategized about in lists on separate pieces of paper. I was constantly writing, thinking, and putting those ideas into action. However, the best was yet to come...

With Ovation co-founder and co-star, Lisa Hall Breithaupt, on opening night of Parallel Lives

What goals or dreams have you written about that have manifest in your life? Please let me know in the comments or email me at deborah@deborahludwig.com. I may use them in a future post, with your permission of course.

Why Journal? (Tip/Reason #4)

This site is about how journaling and expressive writing can be tools for bettering your life. A series of weekly tips will be posted as of July 1. The first several are reasons—rather than tips—to consider starting a journal. However, for consistency, these reasons will be categorized as tips.

Tip #4 - Why Journal? 

It’s a great tool for setting and achieving goals. The mere act of writing down your goals increases your chance of success.

Write down your goals, make them SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely), commit to them, and hold yourself accountable by reporting weekly, or at least monthly, your progress to someone who supports your efforts.

There is much more to write on this topic and I will do so in the future. For now, below are some related articles you may find helpful and interesting.

• Why You Should be Writing Down Your Goals
• Goals!The Reason You're Not Achieving Yours (And Its Easy Fix)
• Dominican Research Cited in Forbes Article
• Goal Setting: Why 90% of us don’t do it effectively 

Journaling Tip #3...Related to Tip #2 (working through challenges)

Journal writing as a tool for working through challenges was journaling Tip #2 posted on July 8. Today's tip expands on that.

One strategy for solving a problem is to write your challenge or issue down in your diary at night. Include the solutions you've already considered. Now, go to sleep and allow the unconscious mind to work. In the morning, before you start your day, pick up the journal and start writing about your situation and see if any new solutions have presented themselves overnight.

If no new ideas have appeared, try this exercise every night—or as often as you are able—for a week. If after a week, you still haven't discovered new strategies, it could be time to reach out for assistance, be it from an expert, a colleague, or a friend. However, give it a try. The unconscious mind works in mysterious ways.



Related article - Got a big decision to make? Sleep on It:

"We tend to consider the time we spend sleeping, for instance, as a mentally inactive period. But sleep is associated with better memory performance, and "slow-wave" sleep in particular has been shown to enhance our ability to make mental connections and integrate unassociated information. 

This sort of mental heavy-lifting during sleep could be useful for discovering creative solutions to problems and could potentially help combining factors in a way that allows us to make decisions." 

The Value of Rereading Your Journals: Remembering Treasured Moments

When I visit my hometown in southern Indiana to celebrate the Christmas holiday with my family, my mother and I take a day, just the two of us, to drive to Evansville to do some last-minute Christmas shopping and have lunch. It is a day I treasure and one that I make sure happens. This has been our holiday tradition since 2004 when I was still recovering, though mostly healed, from my June 1 bone marrow transplant.

I had forgotten the date this yearly outing began until I came across the brief December 15, 2004, journal entry while reorganizing my manuscript for the second edition of Rebirth. The entry provides no details of our interactions or conversations. However, it transported me back to that day, searching for the perfect present for my (then) almost-two-years-old nephew Aidan.

December 15, Wednesday:

Mom and I went Christmas shopping in Evansville yesterday. I found a Hokey Pokey Elmo and a play Home Depot drill at Toys "R" Us for Aidan. The drill comes with screws, bits, and a small plastic board in which Aidan can drill the screws. All the pieces are over-sized. The toy is designed for kids ages three and above, but Aidan loves toys that are similar to adult items, especially tools and phones. I think he'll really like these gifts. 



'What a difference a year makes,' I thought after reading it. Christmas 2003 was scary and sad because I was diagnosed with leukemia on December 18 and chemotherapy commenced at 8:00 pm on Christmas Eve, so Christmas 2004 was a true celebration. I was healthy again. Joy, not fear, was the state in which I resided. Shopping, having lunch, and talking—about whatever—with my mother was wonderful; so wonderful that I have made sure that experience has been recreated every year since.This one-on-one time with her is special. I cherish it. It's our time to reconnect.

One reason to keep a journal is to preserve moments. An event or person you may not have thought about in years can be rediscovered by rereading your journals. That may not always make one comfortable, depending on the event or person, but it always provides an opportunity for reflection and self-examination. Rereading journals, or only select entries, provides the writer with information from her past that may prove helpful in the present or the future.

Should you come across entries that are inspiring or bring a smile to your face, mark those pages with a paper clip or a small post-it. This way when you are feeling down or going through a difficult time, you can immediately find these positive entries. They will remind you that life is good, they may improve your mood—even if only for a little while, and they may provide encouragement to make the changes necessary to transcend the situation or feelings with which you are struggling.

Take some time to explore old journals. You may be surprised and delighted by the discoveries you uncover in the pages.



Do you reread your journals? If so, what memories have resurfaced for you? Were they positive or negative and how did you feel revisiting them? I'd like to know your thoughts. Please leave a comment below or email me at deborah@deborahludwig.com. I may use your response in a future post, so let me know if I have permission to reprint it. Thanks!

Protecting Your Journals' Content

Phillip Seymour Hoffman's death on February 2, 2014, at the age of forty-six saddened me for several reasons. One, being an actor, I always feel a sense of loss when a young, talented performer exits this world, especially when it is a self-imposed exit, be it accidental or intentional death. Two, as someone who has fought my own demons, I empathize with someone struggling to overcome addiction. Three, as a long-time diarist, it was disturbing that some details in Mr. Hoffman's private diaries were made public.


Some of what I read included:

His diaries did not include suicidal thoughts or chronicles of drug activity, according to sources who saw them, though the entries did provide insight into the actor's state of mind. The private journals contained musings about his struggles with addiction, as well as thoughts that were tough to decipher.

...and this:

Writing in his private diaries, the 46-year-old Hollywood star talked about feeling 'caught in between' long-time girlfriend Mimi O'Donnell and another woman he had recently met. Hoffman's journal entries suggested that his relationship with his unidentified new paramour may have triggered his split from O'Donnell, who asked him to move out of their Manhattan home three months before his death.

In his often incoherent 'secret diaries,' Hoffman had described being troubled by 'demons,' wrote about drug deals, and his struggle to overcome his addiction with Narcotics Anonymous meetings".


I understand the public's curiosity surrounding the actor's death, especially the sordid details. I also know that the authorities used this information to shed light on the investigation. While the exposure of his writings seems to have been minimal, for anyone to reveal portions of his diaries for public consumption infringes on his privacy; these are his personal musings. Yes, he's dead and he was a celebrity, but even dead celebrities—and their families—deserve some degree of privacy. This situation prompted me to consider the security of my own journals.

Twenty-three years of journal writing have helped me transcend challenges and achieve goals. These journals are repositories for life events, a chronicle of my time on this planet. While there are many positive and inspirational entries, there are also dark ones that contain information that I prefer remain secret.

When one keeps a record of her life, how to keep those records from prying eyes is an important decision. It is also critical that there be instructions upon one's death for the disposal, storage, or transfer to someone else's possession of these diaries. Some questions to ask yourself are:

1. Do I want anyone else to read them? If yes, who?
2. Do I want them destroyed? If yes, how and by whom?
3. Do I want them stored and made available for research or publication? If yes, where would the storage facility be located and what would the timing be for publication (5 years, 10 years, etc.)?
4. Do I plan to pass them on to a family member or friend? Who?
5. Do I want any of them published? Who would be appointed to do that? (Note: If you think you may publish your journals, start editing them yourself now or select an editor to do it upon your death. This way the task won't fall to a family member or friend.) 

Consider all these issues and include the instructions in your will. The last thing we want is for our most intimate thoughts and struggles to be broadcast to the world without our permission. What is shared publicly should be dictated by our wishes, not haphazardly released by the media, police, family or friends, no matter how well-meaning their intentions. This is your life story and how you decide to share it should remain in your hands alone.

It's time for me to make these plans; I have yet to do so. I'll let you know what they are once completed as a follow-up to this piece. If you haven't made provisions for your journals yet, I encourage you to do so. If you have made plans for securing your journals, please share them in the comments. You may help me or other diarists decide what actions to take.

Good luck!

Why Journal? (Tip/Reason #2)

This site is about how journaling and expressive writing can be tools for bettering your life. A series of weekly tips will be posted as of July 1. The first several are reasons—rather than tips—to consider starting a journal. However, for consistency, these reasons will be categorized as tips.

Image from Clipart Pal

Tip #2 - Why Journal? 

Journal writing is an excellent way to work through life's challenges. We all encounter obstacles. Writing is a useful tool for understanding those challenges and figuring out strategies to overcome them or deal with them more effectively. Some challenges require more time and effort than others but by putting pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard, you will have concrete ideas in front of you that can be put into action as opposed to merely ruminating over them in your head. You are less likely to forget strategies and plans when you write them down. Plus there is a record of your thoughts, which you can revisit as the need arises.

Write about it, put a strategy in place, review it, and take action.

What challenges has journal writing helped you overcome or deal with more effortlessly? Please share in the comments.

Why Journal? (Tip/Reason #1)

This site is about how journaling and expressive writing can be tools for bettering your life. Starting today, a series of weekly tips will be posted. The first several are reasons—rather than tips—to consider starting a journal. However, for consistency, these reasons will be categorized as tips.

  

Tip #1 – Why Journal?

It is a terrific way to chronicle your life—the ups and downs, triumphs and challenges, milestones and every-day occurrences, interactions with family, friends, and colleagues, as well as all the interests and ideas that comprise your unique existence. It also provides information about the time period in which you reside. Your journal is a legacy, a gift of insights, knowledge, musings, inspiration, and historical context, that you can bestow to future generations, should you be so inclined.  

Sylvia and Me - June 1992

I became acquainted with Sylvia Plath in the spring of 1992 when I was cast in the play Letters Home, based on the book Letters Home, which is a compilation of the letters Sylvia wrote to her mother, Aurelia, from the time she entered Smith College in 1952 until her suicide in 1963. No, I was not cast as Sylvia, but rather at the ripe old age of twenty-six, her sixty-seven-year-old mother. Still, I was up to the challenge and very excited to have the opportunity to perform in my first two-person show.

In addition to studying the script, I read the book, but I still wanted to learn as much about Sylvia’s life as possible in order to play her mother more convincingly. I visited libraries and bookstores seeking additional material on both women, but the jewel of my biographical treasure hunt was a small paperback titled The Journals of Sylvia Plath. I was riveted by her writing, the way she utilized language to record events and feelings, her desires and dislikes, the obsession about her talent as a writer and her career. Reading this book inspired me to start my own journal and use it to develop my character so that I would embody Aurelia Schober Plath by opening night.

I ventured to the bookstore once again and found the area where journals were displayed. My goal was to select the perfect one to commence my writing adventure, and it didn’t take long to find it. I had taken several art history courses in college and was particularly fond of styles popular in Europe and Russia from around 1850 through the 1940s, so when I spotted a journal with George Seurat’s masterpiece Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte, I knew it was to be mine. The pages were unlined and a white cloth marker was attached so that I could easily mark where the next entry should start.

I immediately put pen to paper once home. Here is an excerpt from that initial journal post:

June 9 – Tuesday:

I bought this gorgeous journal today. I love the cover: Seurat’s pointillism technique is fascinating…

Since I’ve been studying Sylvia Plath’s life—reading her letters, poetry, and journals, the desire to record feelings and events in my own life has become very intense. Today, I decided after the play is over, I’m going to contact some agencies in Indianapolis and see if I can get an agent and some commercial work. I’ve got to do something to earn more money and what better way to do it than by acting—what I love to do—and gain some experience at the same time.

Reading Sylvia’s journals and letters, my writing seems so amateurish and trite. The way she expresses herself and the eloquent language she uses—impeccably structured sentences and an extensive vocabulary—sparks a bit of jealousy because I’ve always thought writing a story, play, or novel would be so gratifying.

Doing this play has me totally consumed with knowing Sylvia, even though I play her mother, Aurelia. However, what better way to portray a mother than knowing her daughter intimately, and how the daughter feels about the mother, whether positive or negative. Sylvia’s life was fascinating (so was Aurelia’s), and I feel extremely fortunate to have been given this opportunity. Tomorrow I start memorizing Act II. Laura [director] says tomorrow in rehearsal we’re going to solidify Act I blocking then Thursday, start blocking Act II.

My first journal

Throughout that rehearsal period, I recorded thoughts about my character and her relationship to her daughter, explored the actions, reactions, tactics, and objectives Aurelia (I) would use, and created a detailed biography—all those wonderful explorations actors undertake in fleshing out their characters to make them believable and interesting. Through rehearsals and opening night until closing, I continued to write about my character, my performance, and the audiences—documenting the nuances of the entire experience. I felt a genuine sense of fulfillment and pride taking on that role and stretching my acting capabilities. Furthermore, I am glad that time period and that accomplishment are captured in a journal because those entries reveal how much I have grown over the years both as a professional and a person.

Writing in my journal eventually became a habit, though not necessarily a daily one. I can go weeks without writing a word, then at other times an all-consuming event or problem holds my attention and I write daily, even multiple times a day. It is an integral part of my life, and the journey continues. Thank you, Sylvia, for the inspiration.

Please let me know in the comments: Why did you begin journal writing? What did your first journal look like?

Welcome to Writing Life

Welcome to the Writing Life. I have been blogging about myriad topics since 2004. Although this blog was initially a means to keep family and friends abreast of my progress when I was going through treatments for leukemia, it quickly became an extension of my private journal. Here I could publicly share my thoughts and write essays about revelations I had during my recovery period. That blog eventually evolved into more of a political one with personal musings and people profiles interspersed throughout—basically, a hodge-podge of all my interests.

When I examine the journal writing I have done over the past two decades, it is amazing the discoveries I’ve uncovered about myself and my world. My book, Rebirth, was the result of the journaling I did during my cancer treatment period from December 14, 2003 through December 31, 2004. It chronicles my life as a cancer patient and survivor, including my hospital admissions for chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant. I published a second edition of that book in 2014.

Post-cancer, I developed Writing for Your Life, a journal writing workshop for cancer survivors. The New York City chapter of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society was kind enough to offer space at their location even though the workshop was designed for all cancer survivors, not only blood cancer ones. In addition, I talk about the value of expressive writing in my speeches at cancer and health-related conferences, so yes, I believe in the transformative and healing power of the written word; and there is research that supports this. Furthermore, as a performer, I believe all creative endeavors have power and value.

My musings here will span a variety of topics developed through the lens of how writing and other creative activity furthers personal and career goals, aids in maneuvering through transitional periods, overcoming adversity, uncovering and facing old wounds that need to be healed, and manifesting the life you envision. These tools, useful in the personal and career realms, can also help facilitate ideas and actions for change in your community and the world. My personal writings and observations, as well as those of others who embrace the power and art of writing, will be shared throughout these posts. Words help create ideas, ideas promote action, and action manifests change.

In the movie, Forrest Gump, Forrest’s mother tells him that: “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” The future is unknown. Surprises—welcome or not —confront us each day, even each moment. Some people sail through life’s challenges and vicissitudes with more ease than others. Perhaps this is because they are naturally more laid-back and deal with adversity better. However, we can all survive and thrive by developing strategies that help us prepare to cope when life throws us curve balls.

My goal is to provide some strategies you will find helpful on this fabulous, sometimes frustrating and scary journey called life. I prefer to call it an adventure. As you follow me here, I hope you come to see it as an adventure too. If you already do, well, then let’s make it an even more fantastic one. Here’s to writing your life and a better world. Cheers!

Celebrating my Second Birthday Today...Nine Years Since BMT

Today I celebrate my second birthday. I am nine years old. The anniversary of my bone marrow transplant is always a time for celebration, even if it’s only me celebrating. It is amazing to me that it has been nine years. I remember it quite vividly, yet at the same time, it seems an eternity ago. So much has happened in the nine years since I wrote the following:

Excerpt from Rebirth:

June 1, 2004 - Tuesday, Transplant Day (Rebirth Day)  Day 0

As the day wore on and the time approached for Barbara’s stem cells to be transfused into me, sorrow replaced anxiety. I am losing a part of me as her stem cells replace mine and begin producing her blood in my body. My blood type will change from O- to O+, which is Barbara’s blood type. This changing of blood type is somewhat unsettling to me. However, I also view this day as one of rebirth—another birthday to celebrate. It is extraordinary how this whole bone marrow transplant process works. It is truly miraculous. And not only is this a physical rebirth, but because of all the self-reflection and positive changes I’m attempting to make in my life, it is a spiritual and emotional rebirth as well. So despite feeling melancholy over what I’m losing, there is excitement and anticipation about what I’m gaining. I thank God for the new stem cells that will generate new and healthy blood in my body and grant me a second chance at life.

Around 3:30 p.m., Dr. Hsu, another physician in Dr. Goldberg’s oncology group, administered the blood transfusion. The transplant was a slow intravenous infusion through my catheter of the bone marrow collected from Barbara. Karen B was already stationed at my bedside and Karen waltzed into the room just minutes before the doctor began the procedure. The transplant, which took all of twenty minutes, was uneventful except for an intense scratchiness in my throat caused by the preservative in the blood. I was given Benadryl prior to the transfusion, which quickly sent me off to la-la land. Meanwhile, my sister and friend sat vigil, watching my blood pressure rise and fall, sometimes significantly, on the monitor. The nurses assured them that this was normal.

Andrew and I - he made his First Communion in 2012

My nephew Andrew turns nine in August; his age is a reminder of how many years ago my BMT took place. In a way Barbara gave birth to both of us in 2004—she was my bone marrow donor while pregnant with him. There is a very deep connection between me and that little boy, who is gorgeous and smart and funny. 

I feel lucky and so blessed to have not just lived, but thrived these past nine years. I don’t know why I survived and other cancer survivors I’ve known did not. All I know is that my life is a gift, and with that gift comes a responsibility to give back. I also try to enjoy and appreciate every day I’ve been granted since my cancer diagnosis. I wake up every morning, giving thanks for another day on this glorious planet, even when I’m highly disgruntled with current events in this country and around the world.

The biggest life lesson from my cancer experience is that not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow, so don’t put off doing activities, taking trips, or being with the people who are most important to you; or taking a risk to accomplish a long-desired goal that you have been too scared for one reason or another to pursue. Life is scary; taking risks is scary, but I’ve found those risks to be worth it.

I hear people lament all the time how life is not fair, and ask why do bad things happen to good people? Life is not fair—bad things happen to good people and wonderful things happen to terrible people; sometimes there seems to be no justice. However, and as much as I want justice, fairness, and equality to prevail, what matters is how you play the cards you are dealt. Do you fall apart and live with anger and fear, or do you embrace [accept] what is and figure out how to live your life in the best way possible for you and for those who interact with you at any given moment?

One of my favorite stories that Thich Nhat Hanh includes in his book The Miracle of Mindfulness is Leo Tolstoy’s “Three Questions.” Versions of the story vary slightly, but it is summarized below an the excerpt  from Rebirth.

April 6, 2004 – Tuesday

In The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh recounts a story by Tolstoy about an emperor searching for the answer to three questions:

1. What is the best time to do each thing?

2. Who are the most important people to work with?

3. What is the most important thing to do at all times?

The answer is this:

Remember that there is only one important time and that is now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person you are with, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future? The most important pursuit is making the person standing at your side happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life.

Often we forget that it is the very people around us that we must live for first of all.

Nine years later, I try to remember the answers to those questions and to be present whether I am with work colleagues, friends, or family members, especially those nieces and nephews whom I was not sure I’d live to see grow up, or even see some of them born. I love being an aunt. 

Today, as I celebrate my second birthday, I give thanks to all those who helped me through that difficult period: my amazing family and friends (many of whom are my "framily;" thanks Karen Burke for the new word!); my doctors, the nurses and aides at Hackensack University Medical Center--they were top-notch, caring professionals; and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, which has a special place in my heart, and the other cancer support organizations who work tirelessly to support survivors and their caregivers as well as to fund research to cure cancer.

Here's to the next nine years!