Words and phrasing (really) matter

Tuesday night, during President Bill Clinton's speech at the Democratic National Convention, he said this:

“If you’re a Muslim and you love America and freedom and you hate terror, stay here and help us win and make a future together.”

I admit his statement sounded rather innocuous to me. I didn’t give it a second thought. 

However, it was received quite differently from American Muslims. Tuqa Nusairat's article, "Bill Clinton's Loyalty Test for Muslim Americans", on the Foreign Policy website on July 28, is revealing: 

"Muslim Americans heard Bill Clinton announce a loyalty test for those who want to remain in the land of the free. We heard him say we are only allowed to stay if we somehow prove that we love America and proclaim that we hate terrorism, as if that is not the natural state of who we are. We heard him separate the Muslim community from him and other Americans (the “us”), as if we are a foreign entity that should be welcomed on certain conditions. And we heard him tell us to “stay here,” as if we had any intention of leaving or anywhere else to go.

What we did not hear was an acknowledgement of the Islamophobia our community is facing day in and day out — a sentiment that has increased dramatically since the start of the presidential campaign, resulting in violent and deadly attacks against innocent Muslim Americans. We did not hear an acknowledgement that we are part and parcel of the fabric of this country, that we contribute to it, and that we have helped protect it. We did not hear that Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party will protect our rights and stand up against the intolerance and fear that the Republican Party is trying to make mainstream."

Ms. Nusairat wishes he’d said:

“If you’re a Muslim American worried about the rise in Islamophobia, know that your fears are ours too. Let’s work to make a future together that does not include those voices of fear, racism, and intolerance.”

I imagine the former President did not intend for his words to be hurtful, disrespectful, or divisive. However, the way they were received by many in the Muslim community proves that words and phrasing matter a great deal. Furthermore, it demonstrates that we process words and actions from our individual experiences, culture, and biases. Three people can hear the same sentence yet have three different interpretations of it or reactions to it.

The positive takeaway from this for me is that by being made aware of this particular disconnect, I am encouraged to be more cognizant of how I frame statements, be they in writing or in a speech. Who is the audience? What segment of the population am I trying to reach? Is there potential for a negative response to my message? If so, what changes need to be made? These simple questions may help to bridge any potential communication gap(s) because if you have a positive message, the last result you want is to create distance from those whom you want to attract. 

This is not political correctness run amok. It is about respect and understanding. All of us can be clueless at times about those outside our tribe, but that cluelessness can also be a learning opportunity. Nor is perfection the goal—which we all know is impossible anyway—but rather, doing one's best to ensure that a positive point or call to action is actually positive, or at least as positive as it can be made.  

This post concludes with an exercise. If you, like me, thought Clinton's statement was fine at first glance, please read the article then ask yourself: Do I think differently about it now?  

My answer was: I do. 

The Non-stop Clinton Scandal Investigations: What they really Reveal

The political world has lost its collective mind, especially on the right. Policymakers seem to care little about achieving goals and passing legislation that will actually help their constituents. Rather, they prefer to play political games at taxpayer expense. Every day the polarization and schizophrenia of our nation’s politicians, reporters and opinion makers are on display. Go to the Real Clear Politics web site and read the article titles only. That's all you have to do to see the extreme views expressed and perpetuated by our media. These articles would be laughable if they weren’t so sad.

Here is a Boston Globe headline I saw on the RCP site on July 7: “Another Clinton Scandal Goes “Poof””.

That same day, the comment below was given in response to the article “Haters get Over it: Clinton isn’t Going to Jail” in the Chicago Tribune: 

“Non-indictment does not mean innocence. It just means that like all Clinton scandals, it miraculously goes away! Still, Clinton remains the most corrupt candidate ever for President.”

"The most corrupt candidate ever" is hyperbolic, and if this commenter and others of the same opinion actually took a little time to examine this statement, they might ask themselves why these scandals "miraculously" go away. The Clintons have been relentlessly attacked and vilified for decades with ginned up accusations and conspiracy theories spurring investigation after investigation, yet they are vindicated every time—every time. (Bill was held to account for lying about the Lewinsky affair, and rightly so, but the other accusations...yeah, not much there.)

Is it because they are so powerful that no one dare take them down? Is it that they are incredibly devious masters at concealing all incriminating evidence? This seriously seems to be what some people think. Are they above the law? Maybe, but aren't most powerful and wealthy people? We see it all the time. Why are the Clinton's held to a different standard? I'm not saying it's right, but I am asking the question.

Or, perhaps they have been vindicated time and again because there is nothing criminal to be found. Maybe they are not the monsters their enemies—and yes, they are enemies, not opponents—paint them to be. 

What we do see in all this, however, are vindictive, hateful people who can’t fathom or admit that the Clintons actually could be innocent. Instead, the haters will continue to waste taxpayer money on investigations until they achieve their desired outcome.

Those heading up all the Republican investigative committees are the ones who should be investigated. After numerous  inquiries ending with the same conclusion of innocence and no intent of wrongdoing (and please note, there have been 8 Benghazi hearings), it resembles a witch hunt. Let me reiterate: These inquiries are on the taxpayers' dime. 

To put this in perspective, there were two major bi-partisan investigations into pre-war Iraq planning. Around 4500 American service members have been killed in Iraq since the 2003 invasion. Four (4) Americans were killed in Benghazi. Furthermore, there were a number of U.S. embassy and consulate attacks and killings during the George W. Bush administration. Where were the investigations for any of those? You can see the full list here:

A List of Deadly Terrorist Attacks on U.S. Diplomatic Targets Under President George W. Bush, 2001-2009

Ben Mathis-Lilley, a Slate.com reporter, points out the absurdity of Congressional Republicans in a post he wrote on June 28:

“So, calculating proportionally and assuming that those lives cut short in Iraq are worth as much attention as the lives cut short in Benghazi, House Republicans would have launched 6,750 investigations of the Iraq war to have been conducted over the course of 4,500 years. Wouldn't that have been absurd?”

Then there were a few more investigations during the G. W. Bush Administration into the use of torture (which is illegal) and the firings of eight U.S. attorneys during which 5 million emails went missing. Does any of that seem more outrageous or criminal in comparison to Benghazi or Clinton's email server rinse-repeat-and-rinse-repeat-again investigations? 

Clinton-derangement syndrome is real. This malady has infected many Republicans and even some on the left, in particular, Bernie Sanders ideologues who’d rather vote for Donald than Hillary. In what world is that rational? I guarantee that Bernie and Hillary have much more in common and share similar goals than Bernie and Donald ever would or could.

Hillary and Bill Clinton have addressed accusations and answered questions repeatedly over decades. Yes, admittedly, many of their troubles have been self-inflicted. Furthermore, because they have been scapegoated and attacked so frequently, when trying to protect their privacy (as most of us would) they come off as looking even more secretive, untrustworthy, and above the law. It’s a vicious cycle they cannot win, no matter what they do. 

The Clintons are polarizing, especially Hillary who has been criticized and scrutinized since she was first lady of Arkansas when she retained her maiden name instead of taking her husband’s. That seems quaint now, right? Not so fast. There are still those, women included, who feel a woman is obligated to take her husband’s last name.  

All these years of investigations doesn’t prove the Clintons are serial liars and criminals. What it does prove is that there is an orchestrated movement—as irrational and toxic as it is—to bring them down. Perhaps there is a right-wing conspiracy working against them, which I never believed until the past couple of years. The investigations, innuendo, and attacks will continue (even if Clinton wins the election) until the Clintons are brought down to their knees and given their just punishment—whether that be imprisonment or their political careers are relegated to the dust bin of history.

Please don't misconstrue what I am writing. Investigations should be conducted when public officials, corporate CEOs or anyone in a position of power is suspected of malfeasance, when their actions or inaction may have caused a tragedy, or when circumstances smell a little fishy. However, to conduct the same investigation repeatedly, expecting to obtain a different result the eighth time, or more, is the definition of insanity. These legislators are certifiable.  

The Clintons could step away from public life to make it all go away, but then they’d be giving in to their attackers. Both Bill and Hillary have made valuable contributions to this country and the world. Have they made mistakes? Absolutely. No leader, not even the greatest of them, has possessed a spotless record. Both Clintons worked their way up to the positions of political power and influence they possess, tirelessly fighting to better the lives of people around the globe. Now, those who hate them want to see their legacy diminished. Well, I say to Hillary and Bill, don’t let the haters bring you down. Keep up the good fight! 

Related articles:

• FBI Director James Comey Breaks Federal Prosecutor Rules by Smearing but Not Indicting Clinton Over Emails
• Republicans just can’thelp themselves from overreaching on every Clinton scandal
• The Hillary Clinton Email Scandal was Totally Overblown
• Don’t Blame Hillary Clinton for theClassified Email Scandal

Thoughts after a week of violence

I love New York City for many reasons, and hate it for a few others. One reason I enjoy working in the city is that daily, I am in the midst of one of the greatest tapestries of humankind anywhere in the world. Even after fourteen years, I often still can't believe this small town girl from southern Indiana is thriving in this place.

Everywhere, there is interaction with people of various races, religions, and nationalities, speaking foreign languages and wear interesting clothing and accessories appropriate to their culture. Signs in the subway and around the city are often written in Spanish, Chinese, Italian, etc. Exposure to this diversity has increased my curiosity about others and the desire to understand their cultures and religions. 

Hearing someone speak a language other than English, even if I know they are a U.S. citizen, doesn’t offend me. Instead of lashing out at them “to speak English” or stew in silent resentment, I try to figure out what they are saying, even eavesdrop a little. It takes much to impress me, but those who can speak two or more languages, that’s impressive. It’s one of the reasons I’ve started practicing French, Spanish, and Italian on a daily basis. I am heading to Greece in September, so now Greek is practiced too because it behooves me to know some basic vocabulary and conversational phrases while I am there.

Too often we seek security and comfort in tribalism while foregoing engagement with those outside our tribe, which can create an “us against them” mentality. This does nothing to ease tensions where there are some, or allow us to better understand one another. 

There seems to be an empathy deficit in our world. Why is that? Have humans always lacked empathy to some degree? That is foreign to me because empathy is one of the reasons my emotions suffer daily. The violence, atrocities, and injustices happening here and abroad pierce my heart—I internalize it all, even if it doesn’t affect me directly, which it rarely ever does. Still, I embrace the pain because maybe, just maybe if I feel it, it will lessen the pain for others actually experiencing it. I know, that sounds weird, even a bit obsessive, but it’s why I can watch, listen, or read about an ongoing tragedy for hours, even days at a time. If I’m engaged, if I’m paying attention, maybe somehow it will help those who are hurting.

This past week, three horrific events captured the nation's attention. Two African American men were killed at the hands of police in Louisiana and Minnesota: Alton Sterling was selling CDs and DVDs in a convenience store parking lot (with the owner's permission) when his deadly encounter occurred and Philando Castile was stopped for a broken tail light. Then on July 7, a sniper targeted police officers in Dallas near the end of a peaceful Black Lives Matter rally. Eleven officers were shot, five of whom died. The sniper was killed when a bomb was detonated by a robot the police had sent into the garage where he was hiding. Dallas officials remain tight-lipped because it’s early in the investigation, but this was an orchestrated operation designed specifically to kill white cops.

The sniper acted alone, that much we know as of now, or at least that's what we're told. He was not associated with the Black Lives Matter movement, as some on the right have suggested. Sadly, these tragedies more often than not lead to the ratcheting up of fear and anger from politicians and the media, which only serves to further fuel the flames of division.

We have some major healing to do in this country. Platitudes and prayers while fine are woefully inadequate. It's time to get serious and do the hard work of figuring out how to repair race relations, decrease poverty, address the violence rampant in our society, rethink some of our gun laws, train law enforcement officials to use less lethal force, and build better community relations between police officers and the citizens they serve and protect. It’s a tall order. It will be difficult, but something has to change. It's way past time we face these challenges head on. Will we?

Writing Life is getting political

Part of writing life is expressing my opinions and exploring why I believe the way I do. It also allows me to vent frustration with what I see happening in (what has become) our toxic political environment here in America; well, and around globe too, if I'm to be honest—it's certainly not solely an American problem.

Journal writing has always been an avenue to explore my ideas and flesh out the reasoning behind my support for various issues and political leaders. It helps clarify my beliefs. So, in this space over the coming months and probably beyond, I will also do some political writing. In other words, I will be journaling publicly.

Whether you agree with my assessments or commentary is not my business. What is important is that I write truthfully. It may not be your truth but it is mine. We can agree to disagree, and I even welcome comments, but please keep them civil because I do moderate the comments posted on this site.

To disclose, I am a center left Democrat. I have been accused of being a big lefty by family and friends on the right yet too conservative by friends who reside further left on the ideological spectrum. That being said, I will try my best to make my posts constructive and illuminating, to add value to the political discourse. I may not always succeed, but I promise you that I will try.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned...

Why I chose to burn my journals

By Lisa Leistner Hammack

I began journaling in 2004. Before then, I had made several attempts to keep a journal. Even as a young girl, I tried doing it, to no avail. What made me, at the age of forty-three, start journaling and keep going I don’t really know. Perhaps writing my first poem ignited the initial spark.  

 

I possessed a variety of journals. There were large ones and small ones; some held colored pages and some plain white ones. Bold images adorned the covers of many while inspiring phrases were etched on the outside of others. I purchased them from different retail outlets: Barnes & Noble, Wal-Mart, Books-A-Million, monastery gift shops, etc. 

In the journals, I wrote poetry, recorded quotes, and took notes from books I was reading that I wanted to remember. I wrote about my days, jotted down information I learned from workshops and conferences, explored my perception of words said or actions taken by myself or others, stapled interesting magazine articles and paper-clipped notes from others onto the pages. Mainly though my journals were for prayers. I find it easier to pray when I write. I thought it was pretty cool that the main character, Aibileen, in Kathryn Stockett’s “The Help” also wrote her prayers.

By 2014, I had accumulated many journals. If I finished one and didn’t have another to start, which rarely occurred, I felt lost. Later that year, the urge to downsize came over me because I was ready to move from our big home to an apartment. It was hard work, sorting through all of our belongings and fitting all my clothes into one closet and one chest of drawers. Of the four large storage areas in our upstairs all but one are completely empty; the one that is not, is only half full. I secured all my journals in a large plastic tote and put them in the storage area, but something about their presence kept nagging at me.   

I began to seriously consider if I wanted to keep them for my family to read. More importantly, did I really, truly want anyone to read them? I contemplated this for months, repeatedly going back and forth between the desire to keep or destroy them. Then one day my decision was clear: I did not want anyone reading my journals. Some things are best left between me and God. Furthermore, I was concerned that people would misconstrue what was written throughout those pages. The decision: They were to be burned.

I live in a small town, which has burning ordinances. Aside from the environmental rules and although we have a small fire pit, I knew it was sorely insufficient for my needs, so I called upon some friends. They reside in the country and have a large fire pit, so my husband and I packed up food for grilling and visited them one evening. We sat around the fire pit, grilled food, ate, and the journal burning commenced. I thought I might feel regret taking that action, but instead I felt a sense of freedom. 

Their five-year-old granddaughter was visiting during some of the journal burning. She would pick up a journal, pretend to read it then ask if she could throw it into the fire. When she came upon those with beautiful images on the covers she would ask me, “Are you sure you want to burn it?” Eventually, she asked me why I was burning them.

I told her, “I just do not want them anymore, and I don’t want anyone else to read them.” That answer satisfied her. 

Finally, there was one journal left. I had bought it at a monastery. It was diminutive with a blue vinyl-type cover—I don’t recall the words on it—and gold-edged pages. I had saved this one for last because I thought burning that particular material might stink. The little girl held onto to it for a long time, looking at the cover and touching the gold-trimmed pages. She asked me if she could keep this one. I told her, “No honey, they all need to be burned.” She sighed, said okay, and tossed it into the flames. 

It took three and one-half hours to burn them all in that large fire pit. I wondered if I would have regrets as I watched them disintegrate into the flames. It has been close to a year now, and I can honestly say: I have no regrets. I did keep copies of my poetry though.

I wondered too if I would buy another journal. I haven’t and instead decided to use a one-inch binder and loose-leaf paper for any journaling. That way I can shred the pages when I feel the need. As stated previously, there are some things that need to stay between me and God. I’m okay with that.

Writing Life is Back

Writing Life is back! After a five-month hiatus, we are ready to start sharing content again. I had been working on a project, with multiple components, that I had planned to launch this year. Sadly, the timing for it is not quite right and has proven to be more than I can accomplish alone. While I have not abandoned it, it has been put on hold indefinitely.

I know, I know, everything doesn't have to be perfect, but for me, the product must be as polished and professional as possible plus it demands unwavering commitment because of the daily writing, producing, and posting of content required. That level of commitment is lacking right now. So, I am focusing on other things such as travel in September, a healthier lifestyle, spending more time with family and friends, learning foreign languages, studying current events, history, and feminism, and in general, just having more fun.

I also reach a milestone tomorrow: I turn fifty. My intention this year, for some of this blog, is to post "This is 50" segments. Each stage of our life is different, and I always feel youthful regardless of the passing years. My experience being fifty is/will be different than yours, but I want to share mine with you. Those of you fifty and older, feel free to send to me your stories and experiences. They may end up in a blog at some point. Those younger than fifty, I'd enjoy hearing your stories too about aging, whether it's turning thirty or forty or merely another year older. What have you learned over the years? What do you struggle with, physically or emotionally? Whatever it is you would like to share, feel free. You may contact me at deborah@deborahludwig.com.

I am excited to enter this next decade. Many women dread getting older, but after having been diagnosed with leukemia when I was thirty-seven, I look forward to each birthday. It is a celebration because as we know, many people do not make it to old age, and I would like to be one of them who does.

I look forward to sharing interesting, useful, and sometimes provocative content with you. Until the next time, here are a few previous posts you may find interesting, or browse through older posts where you will also find journal writing tips.


Journaling Through Cancer in the 21st Century

Appreciate the present and leap into the future by reflecting on the past

Is Blogging Journaling?

Write it Down, Make it Happen (Part II)

Protecting Your Journals' Content


Have a happy Mother's Day weekend!

Taking Time Off

The Writing Life blog will be suspended during the holiday season. I am gearing up to launch some new projects in 2016 and need this time to lay the ground work. I will be back in January with new content for this site.

I wish all of you Happy Holidays, and I'll reconnect in the New Year. Keep up the journal writing.

Cheers!
Deborah

Pen or Keyboard: Choosing the Perfect Journal Medium

By Summer Jayne

It’s probably fair to say that I’ve been a journaler since the day I learned how to write, though perhaps I wasn’t aware of it. I’ve had multiple journals along the way, most of which are half filled; I’ve never like the idea of finishing an entire book before moving onto a new one. I’ve always felt it was important to have an emotional relationship with my journal, and that came with the physical act of putting pen to paper and crafting the words by hand that needed to spill from my soul.

While I was in my mid-twenties, I noticed something odd was happening. I could no longer marathon write without excruciating amounts of pain in my hand. Well, this was a problem, and a big one at that. How was I supposed to put everything on paper? This was my coping mechanism for everything in life. It preserved my sanity, and in many ways, probably saved me from jumping off the nearest tall building. How would I be able to do this?

Fortunately for me, I went to a high school that insisted on teaching typing to every student. Instead of my beloved tomes of paper, handpicked for its texture and coupled with the pen that felt the best gliding across it, I turned to my laptop. At first it was just a running Word document, but over the years, I’ve developed an affinity for both manual and electronic journaling. Each has its merits and drawbacks, and each has a time and place.

Manual Journaling

Over the years, I’ve begun separating journals loosely by topic instead of putting everything in one book. Currently, I have two manual journals I use on a regular basis. One is a travel journal. I chose to do this one with a pen and paper instead of a digital source because it contains everything travel related, and it’s a light weight item that can be tossed into a suitcase without taking up too much precious space or weight. This volume not only contains a record of my adventures, but also the copious amounts of notes I’ve compiled while planning the trip, from budgeting to sight-seeing. I daydream in this journal because no one can tell me it’s unrealistic, and I find great comfort in being able to take my mind somewhere else, even if my body never physically gets there. I’ve spent many blistery Boston nights mentally lying in the sands of the Caribbean and blizzards wrapped on the beaches in Hawaii, which have served me well on planning the three various Caribbean cruises I’ve been on!

The other manual journal I have is a spiritual journal. I was born Catholic, but as I grew older, I never felt it resonated, so I’ve been on a spiritual quest for the past 20 years. To loosely quote U2: “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” And yet, this is another area where sitting in silence with a physical piece of paper and a pen seems to resonate more than pushing buttons. When I’m trying to reach G-d, so to speak, I don’t want the clacking of a keyboard as a distraction. I’ve always found spirituality to be a deeply personal topic of the utmost intimacy. The act of crafting the words from ink again seems fitting for times such as these.

I switch journals quite a bit, and as gorgeous and appealing as the expensive leather ones are, I could never justify the cost. Knowing my habits, I’ll change my journal before it’s full, and that’s an expense I can’t justify. The other issue is that, if I absolutely love it, I’ll fill it too quickly, and I’ll still need another journal. A refillable journal is a good option in this case. There are many blank refill journals on the market in a plethora of sizes. The key to choosing this option is to choose a journal with a standard size paper, ensuring that new volumes can be loaded into the (expensive) beautiful cover as needed.

I mentioned that I separate my journals out loosely by topic, and I’ve only mentioned two so far. So what about everything else? Surely I can’t always write about traveling and G-d (although sometimes I wonder).

Electronic Journaling

Over the years, my arsenal of technology has evolved. When I was in high school, we had one computer that took up all of the space on one desk for the entire family. By the time I graduated from college, everyone had a laptop, and most people were buying into the iPad frenzy. In 2012, I purchased my first iPad, and I was amazed at what it could do. It reminded me of something out of Star Trek, and I must say, I’ve always found Star Trek appealing. I wondered what it could do for my journaling habits, too.

After much trial and error, and experimenting with different apps, I stumbled across Noteshelf. Noteshelf is a remarkable app that allows for the creation of different journals with infinite pages and customizable covers. It can pair with a Bluetooth keyboard, or it can be used with a stylus and record handwriting, if the need arises. Like most journaling apps, it has a magnified window that allow for easier writing with a stylus. This has definitely become my “go-to” app for journaling!

I’ve created journals for writing topics, short stories, novel excerpts, recipes, notes from meetings at work, as well as a catch-all-I-just-need-to-vent book.

The Bluetooth capability has help immensely when I can’t physically write. I actually type faster than I can write by hand, so using this method almost allows the writing to keep up with the rate at which I’m thinking. And sometimes that’s the entire point—just get it out of my head as quickly as I possibly can. For me, that’s typing it out. I’m not worried about what the writing looks like or how the pen feels on the paper. I’m not concerned with anything except the flurry of my fingers as they roam over the keyboard. The organization feature of Noteshelf is nice, but it’s also just as easy to have multiple Word documents. Pull out your tablet, search for journaling apps, and see what pops up. You never know, there just might be one that’s perfect for your specific needs.

Manual vs. Electronic

So which is better? In my mind, neither. Or both.  There are some die-hards who will insist on handwriting, just as there are those who insist keeping an electronic journal is more versatile and secure (hello, password protection!).  The truth is, they both have a place. The important part of journaling isn’t about the paper or what app you’re using; it’s about being able to put thoughts to feeling and transcribe them onto a page (actual paper or virtual). 

My journal is still my best friend, all twelve of them. 

Happy journaling!

Biography

Summer Jayne is an author and avid journal writer in the Boston area.  When the economic crisis of 2008 hit, she was unemployed for nearly two years.  She turned to writing to combat the unending boredom from being home-bound, ultimately creating the novel Lioness (April 2009) available on Amazon.  She works as a chemist by day for a local medical device company while pursuing her second novel in her spare time.  She currently resides with three roommates, three cats, and a pile of student loans.

Journaling Tip #13

Give it a try with minimal investment

If you are someone who is hesitant to start journaling because you have never been able to commit to it or are unsure if it is "your thing," start with a basic notebook. That's really the only essential element, plus a writing implement, that you need. A fancy journal is not a requirement. A spiral-bound notebook serves your purpose and it is inexpensive, so the investment is minimal.

Try to schedule a time to write regularly. It doesn't have to be every day, but in the beginning, set a schedule and see if you can stick to it. You may find that it becomes a habit or you miss it when you don't write. If that is the case, it may be time to upgrade to an actual journal.

Always be on the lookout...

Two recent posts encouraged readers to purchase their journals from a bookstore, but be on the lookout wherever books are sold.

I was in New York Penn Station a couple weeks ago, waiting to catch a train. I ventured into Hudson News to see what new books were available because I had some time to kill. I stood there perusing the shelves when a woman needed to squeeze by me. I turned to let her pass and saw these:

...and these:

Gorgeous, right? I was so tempted to purchase one or two but resisted because I have one, in addition to my current journal, that needs to be filled before I purchase any more. When I do need another, I may pop into Hudson News because these are lovely. So dear readers, keep your eyes open because you never know where you may find your next treasured journal.

Journaling through Cancer in the 21st Century

My article is in Coping® with Cancer magazine and on the website as a featured article and the lead one on the Wellness/Emotional Well-being landing page. Enjoy!

Journaling through Cancer in the 21st Century

Journaling Tip #12.1

Visit a bookstore when selecting a journal (Journaling Tip #12). Writer/author Summer Jayne weighs in on the importance of getting up close and personal when choosing your journal. 

But what’s important in choosing a journal? A huge component is to physically get off the couch, go to a bookstore, and choose one. Don’t do it online. All a website can give you is a photo of said journal. In a bookstore, you can pick it up and open it. You can feel the texture of the paper. I’m rather picky about the paper in my journal. I like lines, because otherwise my writing goes all over the place. And I prefer a matte finish to the paper. In fact, the closer to a natural paper texture, the more I like it. I love pens with big, chunky tips (0.7 mm or larger), and a soft matte paper allows the ink to settle on the page without smearing the instant the book closes.  

I would never dream of picking the first blank book I saw. I always ask myself, “do I like this book?  Do I want to hold it and manipulate it?” If I don’t like the feel of it, or if the answer to those questions is no, then that book goes right back on the shelf. Interestingly enough, the journals I’m currently using are actually refills. They have a simple cardboard cover, and they are only a few dollars to replace when I fill one up, but I love the paper in them!! I have lofty ideas of finding an expensive leather cover or beautiful artistic sleeve for it, but for now, I’m perfectly happy with my plain brown book.

Summer Jayne is an author and avid journal writer in the Boston area. When the economic crisis of 2008 hit, she was unemployed for nearly two years. She turned to writing to combat the unending boredom from being home-bound, ultimately creating the novel Lioness (April 2009) available on Amazon. She works as a chemist by day for a local medical device company while pursuing her second novel in her spare time. She currently resides with three roommates, three cats, and a pile of student loans.

Journaling Tip #12

Visit a bookstore when selecting a journal.

Selecting the perfect journal is important to me. The appearance of my journals reflect the mood I'm in at any given moment as well as the events happening, challenges presenting themselves, and goals being set during any period of my life. I crave variety, and if variety appeals to you too, then a trip to the bookstore should be on your to-do list. There are entire sections devoted to journals, from the very plain, utilitarian ones to those that are bound in elaborately embossed Italian leather. (Yes, I do like the Italian leather journals.)

You may ask: But I can find them online too, right? Of course, you can. You can find just about anything online. However, what you miss shopping via the Internet is the experience of touch and smell, turning the pages, getting a feel for the book in your hands. I pick them up, page through them because some include inspirational quotes and pictures, so one never knows what surprises reside inside. 

It may sound silly, but I find connection to my next journal this way. My current journal has a smooth navy cover with an embossed quill on it. The interior cream-colored pages are edged in gold and have black lines, ensuring that my script moves straight across the page and not up towards the right, which is apt to happen absent any lines. I selected this journal when I was feeling more professional (it is no frills), prosperous (it is elegant), and confident (it is sleek).

A few years ago I used a National Football League pigskin covered notebook from the office because I was in the process of paying off all my credit card debt and decided to use a notebook I already had. It served its purpose, but it wasn’t as pretty as some of my others. 

The perfect receptacle for your thoughts, ideas, and happenings can make writing that much more enjoyable. The purchase you make in that moment is a reflection of your current life. Of course, life changes and then it's on to a new journal—one that may be radically different from the previous one. That’s been my experience anyway. Happy journal hunting! 

Journaling Tip #11

Write honestly. Avoid censoring yourself. 

This is the most important advice I give in my workshops or when asked about journaling: Avoid censoring what you write. Your journal is a place only for you, where you can record and reflect on all that is happening or has occurred in your life as well as your hopes for the future. The content can be as wild, dark, inspiring, or joyful as you are feeling.

This is a no-judgment zone, except from you, but avoid doing that. No good comes from it and judgment inevitably leads to censorship. Be honest—brutally so if necessary—because that is how healing and growth happen. Then after some tough love, be gentle and kind with yourself and all your flaws, remembering that you are only human after all.

Happy writing.

Appreciate the present and leap into the future by reflecting on the past

I was cleaning my bedroom Sunday afternoon and that included reorganizing my journals in their proper order. As is customary when I do this, I was compelled to open them to random pages and read some entries.

The first I came upon were two letters I’d written, separately, to my parents about a month before my move from Cincinnati to New Jersey to pursue an acting career in the New York City market. I knew they were concerned for my safety, especially since it had not yet been one year since the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center. In those letters I reassured them that I would be fine, that I loved them, and how much I valued their guidance and love throughout the years. I made a note to myself to ask Mom if she still had those letters. (She does.) I had totally forgotten that I had written them. The content was unsurprising because I’ve always been quite sentimental and emotionally open with those closest to me.

The second entry I read was the first one in that journal, dated February 17, 2002. It was still about six months prior to my departure and in one paragraph I’d written about what I envisioned my life to look like in 2012. Well, it is 2015 and my life little resembles that which I had hoped for or envisioned at that time. This made me stop and ask myself some questions:

1. Does this disappoint me? Am I a failure? 
2. If not, why and what has replaced this vision?
3. Where did my planned path go astray? What factors influenced the change in trajectory?
4. What on that list did I accomplish?
5. What not on my list has manifest in my life that is better, or merely different?
6. In what ways am I happy or satisfied in my current situation? How am I not and what steps can I take to change any dissatisfaction?

This to me is the value of journal writing. Unexpectedly finding ideas from your younger self and discovering that you are wiser, or maybe not, and reflecting on where you are in your current life—how it works and where it needs improvement.

To answer the above questions, no, I do not feel like a failure. Does some of it disappoint me? Yes and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t, knowing the expectation, excitement, and hope behind those dreams and goals.

I always longed to be an actor and was for a while although never at the level I’d imagined. My acting and singing work was quite prolific during my Cincinnati years, and I loved it. It was when I moved to the Northeast and decided to try to make a living at it that much of the joy was lost in performing. The business aspect diminished my love for the craft. Being in my late thirties when I made the move, getting leukemia fourteen months later, and starting at it again in my early forties, without a manager or agent, was really tough. I know. Those are a lot of excuses but most are valid, and after cancer, my priorities changed.

Asking the above questions encouraged me to dig into the "whys" and "hows" of ending up where I am currently. Instead of feeling down about it, when reviewing what I have accomplished, the people who have shown up in my life, as well as the independence and financial well-being I now possess—which I sorely lacked thirteen years ago—reassures me that I am no failure.

I pursued acting for five years post-cancer, during which time I also wrote a book, began volunteering in the cancer community, speaking, started a journal writing workshop for cancer survivors, and became more politically active, especially blogging on politics. Current events, domestic and global, captured my attention much more so than events happening in the entertainment industry. My actor friends talked acting while I talked politics, which was a major clue as to how my goals and interests were evolving.

Paris, Notre Dame--2012

Annual trips abroad commenced in 2006. Those experiences have been transformative, especially my solo trips to Paris in 2012 and this past spring to Ireland, Scotland, and England. These adventures have increased my confidence and made me more independent. I possess a self-assurance of which that woman back in February 2002 could've only dreamed. 

Edinburgh - view of Old Town from New Town
May 3, 2015

I am single, never been married, nor do I have children. However, I do have kids in my life who are like my own, and they are precious to me. We have an excellent relationship. Adoption was always a possibility for me, even if I remained single, but as I’ve aged and have my nieces and nephews, the desire to adopt has disappeared. 

While my life may not be the grand vision of thirteen years ago, it is a wonderful one filled with much love. I have everything I need, I’m healthy, and more importantly, over a decade since my leukemia diagnosis, I’m still here. I commit to living each day to the fullest. Furthermore, by my definition, I am successful: I do what I want, when I want, and live life on my terms. It has definitely been an adventure. Still, there is much to accomplish because, well, that's who I am. 

One thing I have forgotten over the years is my mantra: "Leap, and the net will appear." Practicing that has worked for me many times. The goals I have now set—reset rather—for my future, start now with that first leap of faith, propelling me forward. It's time to leap.

The next time you read through your journals, take some time to reflect on where you've been, where you are now, and what twists and turns brought you to your current situation. It's worth exploring in order to keep moving forward, and on track; or if necessary, to change tracks. So dear reader, what are you leaping toward?

Why Journal? (Tip/Reason #10)

Tip #10 – Journal writing is a way to hone and practice your writing skills, expand your creativity, and play. 

Journal writing is a way to test out a short story, article, or poem you are trying to craft. It is a place to jot down ideas and play with phrasing. Don’t be afraid to strike out words and try others in their place. Make a mess of the page–out of the chaos you may produce some literary gems.

If you prefer a more visual medium, draw or paint in your journal. One of my workshop participants drew a gorgeous image using pens of vibrant shades of yellow, green, purple, red, pink, and blue to express a situation with which she’d been struggling. Painting, coloring, creating a collage or even scrapbooking are all forms of journaling to consider. Allow yourself the freedom to experiment with different colors, visual image techniques, and writing styles.  

When I was going through cancer, I was given several decks of inspiration cards and regularly wrote my interpretation of the sayings and why they resonated with me. I bought colored construction paper, made small rectangular cut-outs, and glued them into my journal to create pouches in which the cards were placed, and decorated the pouches with stickers. This was a way to add variety to my journal pages and make them aesthetically appealing. Furthermore, it was enjoyable.  

Journaling is not only about the written word. Have fun, express yourself, and be creative!

Is blogging journaling?

I came across an article a while back that asked readers if they thought blogging was akin to journaling? As someone who both journal writes and blogs, I say yes. Although my blog is public, it is still a journal. (Note: You can always choose to set your blog to “private” should sharing your ideas, thoughts, and content not be your intention.)

When I began blogging back in 2004, I was using it as a means to communicate with family and friends, keeping them abreast of my leukemia treatments and progress. I was writing my book, Rebirth, at the time and the blog was a place where I wrote two essays about “being enough” and “forgiveness,” both of which are included in my book. The blog was where I could practice my writing skills, share my thoughts, and receive feedback from family, friends, and even strangers.

The political writing I have done over the years is residing out in cyberspace for public consumption. Still, I consider it journaling too. When I review those posts, I am reminded of what topics were important to me at the time, how I supported my ideas, and reflect on whether my feelings have remained the same or changed over time, as I’ve received new information. The content is interesting (admittedly, maybe only to me) and revealing about who I was/am, where I fit into the world, how I view current events and those in charge who shape our society, for better or worse. 

(If interested in reading the above post, click here.)

Past posts have also been repurposed into new posts, taking old content and adding information relevant in today's world. I use this for blogging on my own or on other platforms or writing articles for publication. 

As open as I am sharing my thoughts, there are some moments or issues in my life that I prefer remain secret, even from those closest to me. That is the beauty of journal writing: it is a means to express your deepest feelings, transferring your emotions out onto the page or computer screen, depending on how you choose to journal. I admit to being a Luddite, as I prefer actual journaling books to online ones. If I type an entry, I format it to fit the page, print it, cut it, and tape or glue it into the book.

Regardless of how you choose to journal, be it on the page or on the screen, there are myriad ways to do it that fits your style and personality. Blog away if you prefer online tools. There are numerous blogging platforms out there, and remember, you are in charge of the privacy settings.

There are many online journals as well. A quick Google search for “online journals” will provide numerous options. One that has received excellent reviews is LifeJournal: “Since 1999 LifeJournal has been recognized by journal experts, professional writers and publishers, and individual journal writers as the leading journal application on the market today.”

Happy blogging, er, journaling!

Why Journal? (Tip/Reason #9)

Tip #9 - Journal writing is a way to better understand yourself. 

Self-exploration requires digging into past events, relationships, and emotions. When you go back and read your journals, you see patterns in your life—some beneficial and others detrimental. If you can recognize negative patterns, you are then able to make the required changes—that is if you are ready to do so. Self awareness can move you in a positive direction, making adjustments so that you avoid the same hurdles you've repeatedly jumped over in previous years. This provides an understanding of why you behave the way you do or why you keep using the same strategies and expecting different results. (Didn't someone say that is the definition of insanity?) 

Writing helps you process emotions and the why for making decisions. Understanding the why associated with your emotions and behaviors and recognizing patterns can potentially free you from insanity, so get sane! Search for the negative patterns that persist then resolve to make the needed correction(s). Write out a plan and follow it. Good luck.

Writing Exercise:

Think of one moment in your life or a person who may have been instrumental, purposely or not, in changing how you felt about yourself, the path you chose, or a decision you made. 

1. What changed in how you felt about yourself and why?
2. Why did you make the choice to go down that particular path? Were there other alternatives you had considered?
3. Do you have any regrets? Why or why not?
4. Can you imagine what your life may have been like if you had chose differently? Is that even a question worth considering?

Please email me at deborah@deborahludwig.com or leave a comment should you wish to share any of your writing with me. I may use it in a future post, with permission of course.  

Every 9/11 leads me back home to Tell City, Indiana

I was working in downtown Cincinnati at the Cigna offices on Seventh Street when my boss received a call from his dad in the New York office letting him know a plane had hit one of the World Trade Center towers. He shared this information with us, and we all assumed it was a small plane and the pilot had somehow lost control.

It was a splendid September morning in Cincinnati, just like it was in New York City: warm, sunny, clear blue skies. The weather was perfect. Soon that blue NYC sky would turn to dark gray then black.

We gathered in the kitchenette where a TV had been turned on and were stunned by what we saw: a gaping hole in the North Tower with fire spewing out of it. I was horror struck, and even more so as we witnessed the second plane, United 175, crash into the South Tower. The shock of it was chilling. We remained glued to the television and when American Airlines Flight 77 hit the Pentagon, I lost it, crying and wondering, 'what city would be next?'

I made my way back to my desk and called my sister Karen, who I knew would be home. She was working on her dissertation. I told her to turn on the television. As we were talking, she gasped and said, “Oh, my God. One of the towers just fell.” Shortly afterwards, we were all sent home. Even away from the chaos and fear, we felt it and didn’t know if we too might be next on the target list. I made it home just before Tower One crumbled, a sheet of ash and smoke cascading to the street.

I spent the next few days glued to the television. Somehow I felt that if I paid attention, sat vigil with the emergency workers, medical personnel, the people searching for loved ones, and New Yorkers trying to cope with the devastation to their city, that somehow I was offering them support, love, and strength. My sister nagged me to turn off the TV because my nonstop mourning was becoming unhealthy.

I thought that with the number of people affected by this tragedy that most Americans probably would know someone who worked in the World Trade Center or knew someone who did. Well, it ended up that I did know someone. Two people, actually: one who got out, another who did not. Her name was Stacey Peak. She graduated high school a year ahead of me. She was 36.

Remembering September 11, 2001

Stacey was from my hometown in southern Indiana and had been living in New York City for about two years, working at Cantor Fitzgerald as a gas/power stock broker. I heard the news from my mother. She told me that Stacey’s mother had received a call from her that morning. She was on the 105th floor of the North Tower when she made the call. Newspaper reports later revealed that her mother said Stacey was hysterical when she called, telling her that she was trapped and didn’t know if she’d be able to get out. She told her mother she loved her and then had to hang up.

I am forever haunted by that detail, wondering what those last moments of her life must have been like, the horror of rising flames and intensifying heat, knowing you were about to die. I know that is morbid, but it’s what I can never stop thinking about when I see photos of her lovely face and hear stories from friends and family. I also think of the helplessness her mother must have felt, not being able to protect her, save her. The anguish must have been intolerable and suffocating, as she waited for news of her daughter, holding out hope that somehow she escaped the carnage.

I did not know Stacey except casually, but the hometown connection, and discovering that she was single, never married, living life on her terms, taking acting classes, all of it somehow connected me to her. Sadly, her remains were never found. There is a memorial to her erected in our hometown, Tell City, Indiana, in Sunset Park by the Ohio River. Every year on September 11, the Perry County News highlights a story about her and local news stations in Evansville remember people from the area who perished that day as well.

Healing definitely takes time and the scars from that fateful day remain, the images and stories etched in our collective memory—for those of us who lived through it anyway. So as I do every year on this date, I will take a moment to remember Stacey as well as the other victims and their families, send a smile and a blessing heavenwards, say a prayer for her family and friends, and recommit to doing my best to try to make this world a better, more peaceful place.